I dragged him along, making him hope that I would stop my quarter life crisis and go back to loving him when I had already given my heart to another. I basically forced this poor man’s hand to give me an ultimatum because I didn’t have the balls to end it properly. One of my biggest regrets in life was how I ended the relationship I was in before Hapa Papa. That’s almost a DECADE of living a life that I hated and made me miserable. It took me nine years to tell my mother I hated being a financial advisor.
What a waste of four years of education that was completely paid for by my parents. It took me four years to realize that I hated being a Microbiology major in college – and by then, I only had one quarter left so I might as well finish my degree.
( Hapa Papa often says that my mouth writes checks my body can’t cash.) But because my internal censor is often broken (usually to my detriment), it really has never been a problem. Perhaps for an introvert or someone less self-centered, the things that come out of my mouth are hard to say. It might seem brave to be broadcasting my thoughts to the world in this forum (you know, due to my million readers and all), but I’ve never been prone to stage fright and am often an attention whore. Truthfully, it’s not hard for me to be outspoken because that is my natural tendency.
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Who doesn’t want to be like the heroes and heroines on TV and in movies who always have a wise-crack at the ready?
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LOVE ME NOW! (Only kinda kidding.) All this bravado and shit-talking, well, that’s my “idealized self.” I mean, it’s easy to be full of sass when no one is actually in front of me and giving me guff. It would get old real fast.) I’m actually a really wounded little girl inside. In fact, this extreme extrovert persona is just that – a persona. I don’t really care about modesty, bodily functions, or even outrageous opinions. I am a constant TMI person because I have very little shame in areas that many people are self-conscious about. As much as I’d like it to be so, it’s not true. A lot of people seem to think that just because I’m a chronic over-sharer and have few problems speaking my mind that I am brave.
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